What does Breast Cancer Awareness Month feel like for someone who has had breast cancer?

 

Esther Shaw is fundraising for Macmillan Cancer Support (justgiving.com)

 

As Breast Cancer Awareness Month is fast-approaching, I’ll readily admit that I’m (once again) struggling with a complex mix of conflicting emotions.

As someone who has been through the harrowing journey of getting diagnosed with this disease (aged 41, back in 2020), I am usually the first to jump on a soapbox and shout loudly about the importance of boosting awareness – and getting women to get themselves checked.

In fact, I’ve written articles on several occasions which talk about finding out that I’d got grade-three triple negative breast cancer right at the start of the first Covid lockdown. At the time, my daughter had just turned five, and my son was 11 months. I’ve also appeared on Sky News, ITV News London, and Radio Five Live, speaking candidly about treatment, and doing all I can to promote understanding and boost awareness.

Yet at the same time, each time another October comes around, I find myself filled with the same sense of dread. There’s no two ways about it: this month is exceedingly hard for those who’ve had the disease (even for those who have been able to hear the words ‘no evidence of disease,’ as I have).

While businesses are busy shouting loudly about the pink versions of their products that they are releasing, with the aim of giving a portion of the proceeds to charity, I find myself sitting very quietly, in the background. It takes all the energy I can muster to try to stay in control of my anxieties that every lump or bump that I feel – every ache or pain that I experience – could mean the cancer is coming back. Who knows.

 

For those who haven’t been through it, the plethora of pink burgers, pink scrubbing brushes and pink lip plumper might appear to be a clever way to highlight breast cancer – and to support a worthy cause.

But as someone who has gone through the rigours of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and surgery, I can tell you straight out, that hair loss, brain fog, mouth sores and diarrhoea – not to mention the rest – are about as far from pink and fluffy and feminine as it gets. (And yes, breast cancer can affect people of all genders).

In addition, I fear this ‘fixation on pink,’ can influence the way we think about the disease, and also stop people from understanding what it is like to live with uncertainty, the risk of recurrence – and even death.

The reality is, that when it comes to breast cancer, there is no such thing as an ‘all-clear’ (much as you wish there could be), as the fear never really leaves you. Once you’ve had a diagnosis, every month is breast cancer awareness month.

 

For me, the timing of all this is especially hard to handle, as I finished surgery in September 2020, meaning October 2020 was exactly the point when I was trying to get away from being preoccupied with breast cancer every minute of every day. But not thinking about the disease was nigh-on impossible five years ago (and still is, today), when pink merchandise and branding is being thrust in my face from every possible angle.

In short, I, like many other women (and men), feel that Breast Cancer Awareness Month is both a blessing and a curse.

Given all this, I would simply like to ask that any business or organisation planning on jumping on the pink bandwagon, does all they can to treat the situation as carefully and as sensitively as they can.

 

After all, for many of us, breast cancer is something we have to live with day-in-day-out, all-year round – and is not something we can just pack back in a box once October comes to an end.

 

By Esther Shaw

 

Don’t forget ↓ 

Esther Shaw is fundraising for Macmillan Cancer Support (justgiving.com)